Red Eye is a man, myth and legend of Camp Hickory Hill. He has the camp always closest to his heart and has no higher purpose than to care for all aspects of the camp and it's occupants. He can sometimes be cranky and is certainly set in his ways. Red eye is only kept company by the wild life of these hallowed hills and his pack of coon dogs. No one has ever seen Red Eye or his coon dogs, but they see, hear and know everything here at Camp Hickory Hill. No one can contact him, the only contact we receive are the letters he writes to us and delivers by depositing them in the trash. He even writes his correspondence ON the pieces of trash. We find them by chance and the campers always get a big kick out of his letters. We received one of Red Eye's famous letters after lunch today after noticing a crumpled up paper bag at lunchtime. I will do my best to post his letter for the first time ever here on the camp blog. Do keep in mind he has lived at camp all his life so he is not up with the times and definitely could use a class in punctuation and grammar, but please bear with me as we write history and for the first time post one of his letters in a manner consistent with our times.
"Hay Chilrin,
Was out wakin my coon dogs the last few days..... I c u started that camp a urine [I think Red Eye is trying to say that 'camp you are in']. I don't know if I like it. The camp a urine was b-e-aufull til u got here, now my ditches r overfullin and me camp is a washerin away down the holler [We've been getting a lot of heavy dew out at camp]. By thee ways, who's that bald sweeatin man who's steelin my trash [Tim, our program director has a shaved head and takes out our trash at night]! My coon dogs r huungree. By the ways we don't a wantin NEmore Trevor's or Donald Douglas's [These are two fictional missing or misbehaving campers campers that we have told campers in the past]. Stop alls that hootin and a hollerin like a bunch a woundt cyotes! Cabin levin's gonna brake! Those boys gonna destroy that camp a urine [Cabin eleven is noisy at night]. Too much noise at my bath house. What's this stretchy wet stuff splodin all over thee place? Stop throwin'em they make my coon dogs hack [The boys were throwing around water balloons during shower time]. Those girls dresst all weerd were too noisy two. Even used my poopy wipes 4 invites! Gross! Thoos boys and gurls keep on keepin my coon dogs up [Cabin 2 had a "wacky tacky party" and their invites were leaves that they decorated in Arts & Crafts]. Ain't gettin' no sleep in that ther camp a urine. I thot lites owt was at 10. That new camp director lady needs to send kids to bed at sundown. Her belly's a growin! She ok!? [Camp Director is pregnant] I'll be camp director (see next piece o trash).....(Next piece o trash) if ya needin help er sumthin. Telll that sweet cook me 'n' the coon dogs r needin some bufflo sticks and biscuits and jelly. I gots a headache with alls thees goins ons. That Pebbles boy asks way to many questshons. and whys that Patty gurl in that dress on the boys side!? I saw that popular Hulk in cabin 8 [one of the younger campers consistently acts like the Incredible Hulk]! Don't let hulk smash here in the camp a urine. Please stop smashin my snails gurlz, my coon dogs like'em whole [One of the younger girl campers was smashing play doh snails in here cabin]. I thot I was thee only one that wore underpants on me head, u gurls lookin' funny [This was a part of the wacky tacky party]....
I see'n some goins ons betwiin [This is a prime time to embarass and control any flirting between campers or staff.]
Jessika M and Drake
Connar and Donavan
Jessika D and Justin
Camp Director Lady and Baldie
Thanks for that mac and cheese.
til later,
Red Eye"
Red Eye is definitely a colorfully interesting guy.
As always, thanks for stopping by,
-David
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